The Eclectic Me

Finding AND Accepting Me

2012-02-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

At the end of this month I'm starting to write the next chapter of my life. I'm getting trained to do Reiki!! I'm excited and apprehensive regarding this training! If you're not familiar with Reiki then I hope to give you some insight as I continue to learn about it and grow. A very, very basic explanation is that it's a universal energy used for healing (mind, body and soul) purposes; like a mother's touch on steroids! :) I will be blogging more about Reiki in general, but this entry is more focused on my apprehension of learning how to perform it.

I came to know more about Reiki through my involvement in The Wellness Spa in my hometown, through the massage therapist and life coach there. I've contemplated it for the past three years, but something clicked this winter and I finally moved forward on getting training. I think it will be a great alternative complement to doing therapy and hope to one day have training in other alternative forms of treatment (such as aromatherapy). Sounds like a good idea, right?! Hmmm...so why such apprehension.

Well, some background is I come from a VERY small town and from a very Christian background. I am proud of where I come from and how I was raised. It has directly lead me to be the open, caring person that I am. The part that is hard is sometimes I forget that not everyone is as open as I am, even with growing up under similar circumstances. I sometimes feel that people think when I'm interested in 'alternative' therapies that I'm somehow not being a 'good Christian'. Well, the fact that I don't say I'm religious and prefer the term spiritual also does have some wary of me. Maybe they aren't wary of me, maybe it's in my head - sometimes I can't tell. I just know I haven't chased some of my personal dreams because of how I was afraid people would react. Silly though, because I know I need to be true to myself and not live life worrying about what others think of me. The example comes to mind of sharing that I was going to move forward with learning Reiki and essentially the vibe of the conversation was do I want my son growing up with that kind of influence.....wait, what?! Yea, you read right, my son will be raised WRONG because his mother is holistic, alternative and open minded....man poor kid.

I know that moving forward with Reiki training is the first step in letting the real me out. No longer holding back because I feel like I need to fit a certain mold. It's intimidating because I know a lot of what I think and believe rubs some wrong, but it's me. I hope that as I continue to build the confidence to fully open up and share all of myself with others that my open view of the world will help them be open and learn to fully accept me/or not guess the choice is theirs.

I am a kind, loving, compassionate, spiritual person. I spend my days working to help others heal hurt and pain. I am a good mother and will raise my son to have as open a mind as his mothers while at the same time being strong in his faith. I am influenced by all those I work with as well as those I have been blessed to be friends with throughout my years. I am going to become stronger and live my truth....hope everyone enjoys the ride along with me! :)

Lack of focus it is not...

2011-12-26T22:27:00.002-05:00

I realized something over the last couple of days. I'm not unfocused nor am I unmotivated. However, I'm still not myself. I am unsure exactly when it happened but somewhere along the way I lost ME.

I don't laugh as much, or goof off, or do many of the things that make me, well, me. Life changed when I found out I was pregnant. It was something I had wanted for so long that I was almost afraid to believe that it was really even happening. I was scared for the first few months that I would do something to make this dream end. Yet I progressed through the pregnancy with no major issues, only recurring UTI's which weren't fun. I gave birth to a perfect bouncing baby. Yet, as happy as I was for finally having my husband, family and a happy home...I wasn't happy.

Many people will tell you that it takes about a year to feel 'normal' after having a child. Maybe they are right. I tried meds to help and they only made things worse. Over the last month and some change I've started to feel 'normal'. Yet, still not ME.

So time to find me. I keep thinking I have to live up to expectations and be certain things because I'm a wife, therapist, mother, but through everyone else's expectations I lose myself. So I'm going to work on forgetting about other people's expectations and live by my own. My house doesn't always have to be spotless, I do occasionally need time away from my lil bugga bean, I love to wear makeup, have my hair done and wear nice things, I am sarcastic, I LOVE to goof off, I am crafty, I am getting into antiques, and sometimes I don't have to be happy just because people expect it of me. I'm me, love me or hate me, it's who I am. I can't continue to live life as others expect me to...time to live for me (well and my baby but he will be running my life for years to come hahahahaha).

To blog or not to blog

2011-12-24T21:44:00.002-05:00

I guess I decided to beat my last dry spell of two months! Honestly not sure why it's so hard for me to take time to blog. I do enjoy it, but can't seem to focus to do it.

Right now life has me living as a part time therapist and a full time wife/mother. Which means, by the end of a long day thinking of writing just isn't on my brain. Of course I'm not a morning person either so I have no intention of getting up early and doing it! I do have the time in the evenings, but don't utilize it well. I wonder why?!

Maybe I just feel like I have a lack of focus. A lot of people I know have a focused blog with similar topics, but really I'm almost too eclectic. I'm not into anything enough to follow and write about it that hard core. Yet, I still feel like I need to find that something, whatever it may be. A mix of parenting, wife skills, crafting and therapy life as I know it...guess that might be as focused as I'm capable of being.

I guess we shall wait and see what the future of my blogging holds, or if there even is one!

2 months??!!!!!

2011-06-27T10:48:00.002-04:00

Somehow, somewhere, two months seem to have disappeared! I'm not sure exactly what transpired in all of that time, but clearly it wasn't blogging! I get on and off this horse too many times I guess! I need to get on and remain strong! I miss blogging. Lately things have been a bit overly stressful and blogging has been the last thing on my mind. I used to check my friend's blogs religiously, and haven't even done that in awhile.

So, here I am again, at a place where I think I'll start this all over. Ha, we'll see. I keep getting on client's for not doing things to take care of themselves, and yet, once again my blog slipped. So we'll see, maybe starting today, I'll take better care of me.....

Let future writing commence.

Happily Ever After????

2011-04-28T16:42:00.003-04:00

Over 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the percentages increase until you reach your fourth divorce. It was a startling statistic that I had to help present in a class for couple's who were divorcing who had minor children. Every time we talked about the statistic it made me sad. At the time I questioned whether it was worth getting married, would I end up one of the 50%?! (Hope not, but we're just now coming up on our 1 year anniversary) I was raised that you married for life, but life has changed since I was young. Divorce was already becoming common place back in my high school days.

Thankfully I'm blessed to come from one of the other sides of that percentage. My parents are married (happily if you ask me) and have been for 33 years! My Grandparents were married until they passed. All my Aunt's and Uncle's and their kids on my mother's side are all still happily married. So sometimes it blows me away that so many turn to the option of divorce.

I became a Marriage and Family Therapist because I believe marriage's can work, if I didn't I wasted a lot of time and money in grad school. What I've been seeing in the years I've been practicing is less and less time put into the marriage.

Conversations with partners are held via text message. Not just the how is your day going, but "deep" conversations, arguments and what not. Facebook leads to people making 'friends' with those of the opposite sex, and again opening up via an electronic outlet and sometimes leading to looking outside of the marriage for comfort. Plus, it's so easy to get a divorce there almost seems that people marry thinking "well, if it doesn't work then I'll just get a divorce." I could go on.

I think marriages can be saved in so many ways and I will be spending my next few blogs jotting down my feelings on this particular issue.

****I in no way am trying to put down anyone who has gone through a divorce (my husband has been through two). So please do not take this personal, I've just had marriage on my mind and want to get it out via my blog!

Introvert vs Extrovert

2011-04-25T09:10:00.002-04:00

I have always labeled myself as an extrovert. However, this weekend surrounded by people nearly the whole weekend reminded me...I have to feed my inner introvert. I love to be around people but I also love to have alone time. I am only just now realizing how hard it is to find that healthy balance between the two; especially with a new baby.

If I don't get enough time with people I feel like I'm not stimulated enough; too much time with people and I'm drained. It's difficult to learn how to balance that! It's not something they teach you - even in grad school we never took time to learn about introversion and extroversion and their effects on you. It's another one, of a long list, of those things that you're supposed to learn without being taught, I guess.

Well, I'm trying to teach myself. I recognize that I will have little to no time to feed my introverted self on Monday through Wednesday - work days. I have to find a way to recharge on Thursdays and Fridays when little man goes down for a nap. Except this week we have to go to the Dr. both of those days. *SIGH* Which means no alone, recharge time for mommy. I feel bad that I'm not as active of a parent by the time the weekend comes, but lately I'm just drained by then. Of course it works alright that way because I have my fabulous hubby then and he can help share the load! Until I find the balance and get a good personal routine going, thank goodness for my husband!

What happened to....

2011-04-19T10:03:00.002-04:00

....random acts of kindness? How many people truly take the time to do something nice for someone, just to do it? Looking out at the world it seems most people are so wrapped up in work, personal lives and just every day living that they forget to be helpful to anyone outside their circle. I think we've forgotten how much random acts of kindness can brighten not only another person's day/week/month, but how much it can improve how we feel!

I am a firm believer in random acts of kindness. I make it a point to do something kind for someone just to do it. If I have the RAofK urge then I follow it. Yesterday I gave a coworker a willow tree angel and flowers because she was feeling burnt out. Last week I left a kind letter for my boss who was amazing. The week before that I gave a woman, holding a sign claiming to be in financial need, money (just five dollars, but hey she probably needed it more). I don't do any of this for the thank you - actually getting told thank you sometimes makes me feel a little embarrassed or shy (not sure why). I do it because sometimes we need to remember to take time and make others feel appreciated. A reminder to get out of ourselves and think about others once and awhile. Plus sometimes when I'm feeling down doing something kind for someone else pulls me out of the grungies.

So my challenge to you, dear reader, complete one random act of kindness per week for the next month, and then come back and let me know how it went! If I were a betting person, I would bet that you would feel good just by knowing you made someone smile! Let the RAofK begin!

Who Am I?

2011-04-18T23:15:00.003-04:00

Three words that seem so small, yet pack such a large punch. One of the hardest assignments I give my client's is to write about who they are. I have had many people come back to me amazed at how hard an assignment this truly was. I don't want what their job title is, if they are an aunt or dad; nope I want the core of who they are! How many of us think about that? Not many or I wouldn't have to give it out as an assignment so often.

Assignments are a critical part of doing therapy. The majority of change that will happen in a person's life is based upon the work they are willing to put in OUTSIDE of therapy; but that's a blog for another day. This one is about me completing the assignments that I give out to others. I feel that I'm a better therapist because I'm willing to complete tasks before I ask others to do them. Due to the change in my life I feel that now is a great time to write Who I am. I believe that who we are changes and is fluid over time; thus it's important to write and rewrite this many times in a lifetime. So here we go....

I am me (not to steal from the Amazing Virginia Satir quote), but I am and that's all I can be. I need to be around people, have conversations and goof off. However, too much time around others can leave me drained and I need time alone to recharge. I am at peace with the fact that I'm a country girl at heart - for too long I ran from the small town life in search of larger things, but in fact all the largest things are in my own backyard. I am extremely independent as a woman, and yet a very old school stereotypical wife and mother. I cook, clean, garden, scrapbook, care for baby and yet I have tattoos, piercings and dream of one day owning a Harley. Yes, I have tattoos and hate that people may stereotype me because of it. I am proud of my ink and feel that my statement is my own! I have vast beliefs and tend to label myself as more spiritual than religious. I don't push my beliefs on others and appreciate that they don't push theirs on me. I am a live and let live person. I spend my life helping others - you don't fall into the field of Marriage and Family Therapy without wanting to help the world. However, I am NOT your therapist, unless you are coming to see my in my office. If you want to see my temper flair accuse me of it....sorry if you're in my personal life I don't therapize, analyze or do any kind of psych on you! As much as I have a kind heart, I have a red hot side and sometimes my fuse is short. However, I burn out quickly and am quick to apologize - or at least I try to. I love my family and finally feel fulfilled as a wife and mother. My Mamaw and my mother were role models for the woman I have become. Yet I have my dad's goofiness and personality flair. I FIGHT for the underdog, always have. I love camping and being outdoors. I'm extremely anxious, although I help others deal with it for a living, it sometimes gets the best of me. I love all things Bollywood because some of my best friends are from India. I enjoy spicy food (again thanks to my Indian friends) and think it isn't good if it doesn't warm your insides. Chocolate is my weakness! I honestly have urges to sing and sometimes wish I had tried to become a country star, although I could also rock out something like Evanescence. Again, I am me and that's all I can be! Take me or leave me but come on you know you gotta love me!

Clean Slate

2011-04-18T22:58:00.002-04:00

I've had this blog since at least 2008, but, as you can tell by lack of other posts, there is nothing else on it anymore! Why, you might ask, would a person no longer have up years worth of writing, posting and what not? Well, it's a good question to ask - my answer: Life is completely different. As of December 20, 2010 my life took on a completely different turn and a whole new meaning. On that date my son was born and nothing has been the same since.

Now I don't mean to say that his birth was all that created this urge to purge and start anew. Not at all! Actually, I have been slacking as a blogger for quite a long time. However, it's an outlet that I know I need and should be more active in. In that spirit I'm starting over. Consider his birth my rebirth.

I'm going to spread my blogging out more and try to get more readers and become more connected in the blogging world. We will see how that works because my time is spread pretty thin. However, I'm going to work hard at being more dedicated to writing on here. Whether it be late at night (like now) when the baby is asleep, or early in the morning before he rises; I will let out my inner creativity.

So let the new blog begin. Please spend time perusing what I have to say. Leave me comments - the good, the bad and the ugly. I hope to have mix of thought out deeper topics as well as random ramblings. So let the new blogging begin!

Welcome back to the world that is The Eclectic Me!